


you remind me of home

by smartlove



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 00 line are all roommates, Basically everyone is trans, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Getting Back Together, M/M, New Girl au, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Sharing a Bed, Trans Female Character, Trans Girl Jeno, first chapter is renjun centric, second chapter is jeno centric, side jaemin/yangyang, sitcom vibes, transmasc renjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartlove/pseuds/smartlove
Summary: Renjun sighed and dropped onto the barstool next to Jeno. They took a deep breath before confessing,“I kissed Haechan last night,”“What?”“Dude.”“Get some!”A resounding smack rang through the apartment as Jaemin hit Yangyang’s bare shoulder at the comment.In which, Jeno's boyfriend dumps her out of the blue, Haechan and Renjun share a drunken kiss, Jaemin and Yangyang accidentally set a bed on fire and there's never a dull day in apartment 4D.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Jeno/Park Jisung
Comments: 24
Kudos: 96





	1. WHEN MY MOON RISES

**Author's Note:**

  * For [venusbot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/venusbot/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY REN!!!  
> my best friend, my soulmate. i love you so much. i really hope you enjoy this fic!! i even wrote heteros for you [head in hands].
> 
> tiny heads up! haechan goes by they/them and renjun goes by he/they.
> 
> oh also before i forget! thank u to hay (neopunch) and sam (livelyskies) for listening to me rant abt this fic. they r both incredible writers themselves!! <3

The early morning sun streamed in through the windows of the loft. Renjun hummed to himself while he made his cup of coffee. He was always the first to wake up and a night of drinking didn’t change that. He enjoyed the mornings where it was just him and his warm cup of coffee, it gave him a few minutes of serenity before–

“That’s it! That's the last straw Na Jaemim, we’re breaking up!” Yangyang screamed, storming into the kitchen in just his boxers. 

Jaemin quickly followed, at least he had the decency to wear a shirt, “Yang you can’t break up with me over every minor inconvenience!” he yelled back. 

Yangyang whirled around and prodded Jaemin’s chest with his index finger, _“Minor inconvenience?”_ He screeched, and Renjun rued the day he ever moved into the loft with his best friends. He should’ve just gone to a university in his hometown and lived with his mom. “You call tarnishing my favourite pair of sneakers with your puke a minor inconvenience?”

Jaemin stared at him for a long moment, and then said, “Yeah?”

Yangyang let out an unholy cry, the sound alone was enough to make Renjun burst a blood vessel. This was not good for his hangover at all. 

“I’m dumping your ass,”

Renjun rolled his eyes, Jaemin got dumped every morning.

“You’re being so loud,” he said while adding milk to his coffee, “How are you not hungover?” 

“He doesn’t get hangovers,” Jaemin grumbled bitterly, he hip checked Renjun away from the coffee machine to make his own cup. “It’s what makes him so annoying,”

“No,” Yangyang said cheerfully, “It makes me sexy,”

“Do you ever go home, Yangyang?” Renjun asked, even though it was a tired out topic, “You don’t live here,”

The other boy frowned, “I have boyfriend privileges,”

“You literally just dumped me,” Jaemin pointed out.

Yangyang opened his mouth to argue further but Renjun cut him off.

“That’s enough. Break up talk is not allowed,” Renjun insisted, lowering their voice, “Especially not in front of Jeno, _who actually got dumped,”_

As if on cue, the door to Jeno’s room opened and she walked in looking worse for wear. Her hair was pulled into a matted bun atop her head and there was mascara smudged under her eyes. 

“Oh sweetie,” Jaemin said sympathetically as Jeno plopped onto the barstool, “Is that Jisung’s shirt?”

She looked down at the oversized Haikyuu shirt she was wearing, it clearly didn’t belong to Jeno. Renjun could name countless times where they asked Jeno to watch anime with them and the girl responded with _“I’m too pretty to watch anime”._

Jeno’s frown deepened.

“Yeah it is,” she said in a sad, deflated tone, “he probably wants it back, I should call hi–”

“No!” Renjun said, glaring at Jaemin for bringing it up in the first place. “Remember what we talked about last night? _He_ dumped you so we’re not calling him until he calls you first,”

Jeno groaned and dropped her head onto the kitchen counter, “This sucks,” 

Renjun moved over to stroke the her back comfortingly, “Last night was supposed to make you feel better,”

“It did,” Jeno said, pressing her cheek onto the counter to look at Renjun, “Until I woke up with a headache and the painful reminder that I kissed Yangyang last night,” She gave an exaggerated shudder.

Yangyang let out an offended _"hey!”_ at that, Jaemin pat his shoulder consolingly. 

The door to Haechan’s door opened and Renjun froze in his spot. They stepped out looking annoyingly perfect despite drinking just as much as the rest of them. They were wearing a button up shirt half tucked into a pair of ripped jeans which did wonders for their legs. It was what they usually wore but _holy shit_ Renjun had to look away.

Haechan looked up from their phone and stopped short when they saw Renjun, ears immediately turning red. That wasn’t a good sign.

“Hello Renjun,” they said, much too formally for roommates that have been living together for years. “How are you this morning?” 

Renjun took a sip from his coffee, it was too bitter, he didn’t add enough sugar.

“I’m fine, just hungover, and you?” 

“I’m good, also hungover,” Haechan replied.

They smiled forcefully. An awkward silence took over the room. Renjun’s grip around his mug tightened and he kept taking sips just to give himself something to do. Haechan coughed, and then made a scene of checking the battered watch on their wrist,

“Look at the time! I have class, you know how my professor gets when I– um– yeah,” They grabbed a banana and finger gunned at Renjun before leaving through the front door.

The apartment was completely silent for a few minutes as everyone stared at the closed front door. If Renjun wasn’t feeling so embarrassed he would be impressed, this was the longest any of them had ever gone without talking.

Jeno was the first to break the silence.

“What the fuck was that?” She asked, lifting her head up to give Renjun a questioning look.

“Nothing,” Renjun said.

“Nothing? _”_ Jeno repeated, “That clearly was _something_ , I’ve never seen you two so awkward with each other _,_ ”

“Yeah dude, I got second hand embarrassment just from watching,” Yangyang chimed in unhelpfully. 

Renjun sighed and dropped onto the barstool next to Jeno. They took a deep breath before confessing,

“I kissed Haechan last night,” 

_“What?”_

_“Dude.”_

_“Get some!”_

A resounding _smack_ rang through the apartment as Jaemin hit Yangyang’s bare shoulder at the comment. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Renjun muttered, it was bad enough that Haechan wouldn’t even look him in the eye, but now his friends were involved.

“It is _so_ a big deal!” Jaemin exclaimed, “When we first moved into the loft, we agreed that we wouldn’t bone each other because it would disrupt the roommate dynamic! We signed a contract, why doesn’t anyone respect the contract?” 

“Because the contract was written on your notes app,” Jeno said blankly.

“We didn’t bone!” Renjun defended, “It was just a kiss!”

“A kiss that _disrupted the roommate dynamic,”_

Renjun groaned, and dropped his head onto Jeno’s shoulder. She used her fingers to draw shapes on his back in a comforting manner; reminding Renjun why she was the only person in this apartment that he respected. 

“I’m such an idiot,” He muttered.

“Hey,” Jaemin said softly, he moved to Renjun and rubbed his back gently, “It’s okay, I can tweak the details of the contract.”

“I don’t care about the stupid contract,” Renjun said. Jaemin let out a scandalised gasp. Renjun ignored it and continued, “Haechan is my best friend and I fucked things up,” 

“How did this even happen?” Jeno asked gently.

 _Yeah Renjun,_ he thought bitterly to himself, _how the fuck did you let this happen?_

He leaned further into Jeno, pressing his forehead against where her neck and shoulders met, like he could hide under the safety blanket that was Lee Jeno. He gave a sigh of disappointment when he didn’t disappear into nothingness and began retelling the events of the night. 

The evening began normally, well as normal as it got in apartment 4D. Renjun was sitting on the long leather couch, feet propped up on the coffee table because Jaemin wasn’t around to tell him off for it. He was slowly but surely making his way through his nineteenth century lit paper, it would be alot easier if Haechan wasn’t next to him, prodding at his sides in an attempt to distract him.

“Renjun...hey Renjun...hey idiot...hey dummy...hey stu–”

“What the hell do you want?” Renjun snapped, looking up from his laptop.

Haechan was wearing an impish smile, they didn’t even have the decency to look guilty for interrupting him. 

“Watch _Saiki K_ with me?” they asked.

Renjun sent them an exasperated look, “Again? This is like your seventh rewatch,”

“And I’ll watch it again!” they claimed proudly, reaching over and stealing Renjun’s computer from his lap, “Come on watch it with me,”

Renjun made a grab for his laptop, “No, I have to finish this essay,”

“Boo!” they replied childishly, attempting to push him away by smashing their palm against the side of his cheek,“You’ve been working for so long and I’m bored.”

Renjun jabbed Haechan’s sides where they were most ticklish, they screamed loudly and let the laptop drop from their hands onto the couch. Renjun swiped it, grinning victoriously. 

Haechan pouted, unsatisfied with Renjun’s win. They flung themselves on top of him, pinning him to the couch, which then prompted a full blown wrestling match. The laptop was long forgotten as Renjun kicked Haechan off him and tackled them into a chokehold. The two of them were giggling like idiots and Renjun felt his stress dissipate.

The door swung open, distracting both of them as they lifted their heads to see who it was. Jeno marched in cradling bottles of liquor in her arms like they were babies. 

“We’re getting drunk!” she announced, unceremoniously dropping everything onto the coffee table. She looked at the pair on the couch and raised an eyebrow at their compromising position. They pulled away quickly. 

“Where’s Jaemin?” she asked. 

“He’s in his room with Yangyang,” Haechan replied, wrinkling their nose “I wouldn’t bother them if I were you,” 

Jeno completely ignored their suggestion and walked right up to Jaemin’s room. She banged her fists loudly against the door.

“Jaemin, Yangyang!” She yelled, “Come on out it’s roommate bonding night!”

There’s a muffled groan and _“I’m moving the fuck out!”_ in response. Jeno gave a satisfactory grin and made her way back to the living room. 

Renjun inspected the bottles, “This is some strong stuff, what’s the occasion?”

“No reason,” She said, sounding slightly strangled. “I just wanted to drink with my best friends.”

Renjun exchanged a look with Haechan, “Okay so there’s a reason,” 

“There’s definitely a reason,” Haechan said, picking up a bottle of top shelf tequila that looked way too fancy to belong in their apartment, “You don’t drink this unless you want to get fucked up.”

Renjun frowned, it was unlike Jeno to want to get wasted, “What’s wrong Jenjen?”

Jeno sighed, she flopped onto the couch and grabbed the bottle from Haechan. She twisted the cap open and took a sip, wincing at the taste.

“Jisung broke up with me, ugh god, I need a chaser,” She stood up and walked over to the kitchen, leaving before the other two could react. 

Renjun refused to let her go though, he stood up and followed her into the kitchen, _“_ Jisung did what _?”_

It seemed out of the blue, the couple were going so strong. Just the other day Jeno was raving on about how Jisung got her tickets to see one of her favourite bands. They winced, that was going to be awkward to sort out. 

Jeno opened up the fridge door and pulled out a carton of orange juice. Renjun grimaced as he watched her chug it down, straight from the carton. _Disgusting._

She pulled away and wiped her mouth. “He broke up with me. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Are you sure?” He pressed on, Jeno had a habit of internalising everything she was feeling, actually all of them had that habit. Renjun sighed, repressed bitches. 

Jeno grinned at him but it didn’t reach her eyes, she grabbed his hand and squeezed gratefully. 

“I’d rather get drunk and have fun with you guys then talk about it, I promise, it’ll make me feel better,”

“Okay…” Renjun replied, he was still uncertain but there was no use pushing it, “but if you want to talk about it at any point–”

“Yes yes, I will come straight to you, don’t worry about it Junnie,” 

The door to Jaemin’s room opened and he walked out, followed by Yangyang, both with messy hair and flushed faces. Renjun could gag. Jaemin caught sight of Jeno and glared, 

“I despise you,” 

“Oh please, like you haven’t cockblocked me before,” Jeno replied, rolling her eyes, “You’ll be thanking me when you see all the liquor that I spent _my_ hard earned money on,” 

“Are we getting fucked up or what?!” Haechan called from the couch, holding up a bottle of Malibu. Jaemin widened his eyes at it, the annoyance fading away and a dangerous glint taking over. 

“Okay fine,” Jaemin said, moving to grab the bottle from Haechan, “You’re forgiven.” 

And fucked up they got.

By midnight they were halfway through the alcohol and decided to play a complicated drinking game that they invented in high school. They were gathered around the wooden dining table, liquor lined up along with a pair of dice, a deck of cards and a fedora full of drunkenly written truths and dares. 

“The rules of 119!” Jaemin announced, drumming his hands on the table, “If you puke you’re out, if you refuse your challenge, you have to do the penalty and if you refuse the penalty you’re out. And the most important rule is…”

“The floor is lava!” they all yelled out at once. 

Jaemin started counting down from thirteen. They all scrambled like slaters under a flashlight to jump onto random pieces of furniture. 

Renjun, already tipsy to begin with, lost his balance as he jumped onto one of the dining room chairs. Despite playing this game for years, he still didn’t understand it. It was a cross between mafia, truth or dare and countless other drinking games. Renjun thought there were way too many rules and the drunker they got, the harder it was to keep up. 

Somewhere along the timeline of Jaemin doing a body shot off his boyfriend and Jeno shotgunning two cans of beer; Renjun lost rock, paper scissors to Yangyang and suddenly the others were shoving him and Haechan into a closet. 

“Kiss, kiss, kiss!” they chanted from the other side of the closet. 

Renjun and Haechan stared at each other with barely any space between them. Haechan’s gaze was careful and curious, for someone who usually _always_ had something to say they were being awfully silent right now. It only made Renjun more nervous.

“You guys suck!” he yelled out to the others, “I hate this game,” 

“You can’t cheat the rules of 119,” Jaemin yelled back, “It’s either kiss Haechan or do the penalty,”

“The rules are stupid!” Haechan declared, but even they looked amused, “We literally make them up as we go along,”

Jaemin completely ignored them and continued to chant _kiss kiss kiss._

Renjun turned to stare at them. Sure, he’s thought about kissing Haechan before, more times than he is proud of. But he didn’t want to do it like this, not to win some stupid game. 

Whenever he allowed himself to think about kissing Haechan, usually in the quiet hours of the night, it was in a romantic setting. When they were watching drama together in the lounge and the light from the tv would illuminate Haechan’s form, Renjun would lean in and kiss them while the ending OST played in the background. Or during one of the scant, quiet moments in the apartment, where Renjun was making his coffee and Haechan was sitting on the kitchen counter, long legs dangling from it, and Renjun would have to tiptoe to kiss them properly. 

Haechan snapped their fingers over Renjun’s face, effectively pulling him out of his horrifyingly cheesy train of thought. He realised in horror that he was staring at their lips all the while. They must have noticed it too because the corners of their mouth turned up in a smirk,

“Are you gonna kiss me or what?” they teased with an aggravating quirk of their eyebrow. God, they were so annoying. Renjun wanted to kiss the stupid smile off their face.

His heartbeat was going at a rabbits pace, but there was no way he was showing any form of weakness in front of the other. 

He scoffed, “You wish,” 

“I mean, you were the one who was blatantly staring at my lips,” Haechan replied, tone getting dangerously lower.

Their confidence should’ve been vexing, Renjun should be aggravated by it but he just found it incredibly sexy. He really did hate himself for this.

His eyes trailed back down to Haechan’s mouth. He was close enough to hear their breath hitch. He was glad for the darkness that the closet brought so Haechan couldn’t see how red he was turning. 

Renjun unconsciously leaned in closer, like the other had a magnetic pull on him. He leaned in until there was barely an inch between them. Then a voice inside his head warned him to stop. _Not like this. Not like this. Not like this._

Renjun pulled away. 

“I can’t do this,” he breathed out.

Haechan’s eyes widened, something unfamiliar clouding their expression. If Renjun was being naive and a tiny bit hopeful, he would say it was disappointment. He tried not to dwell on it. He turned towards the closet door and knocked as loud as he could. 

“Hey idiots!” He shouted, “I give up, I’ll do the penalty.” 

Jaemin let them out of the closet –yeah Renjun understood the irony of it all– and Jeno handed him a shot glass filled with mayo, hot sauce and whatever other disgusting items she could find in the kitchen. Renjun chugged it down and then promptly threw it all up into the sink. He wasn’t the first one out of the game but he still felt like he lost. 

The game wrapped up with Jeno winning because she was the only one who didn’t forfeit any dares. Not even when she was dared to make out with Yangyang, she just shrugged and announced, _“I’m a single woman now, I’ve got nothing to lose,”_ then pulled him in by the collar of his shirt.

The five of them were cramped onto the couch like sardines. Renjun was laying on the furthest end, head propped up onto the armrest. Haechan curled themselves into his side, head resting on Renjun’s chest. Their hair was tickling Renjun’s chin. It was getting longer, Renjun noted, brown curls falling prettily over the base of their neck. He had to physically restrain himself from running his hands through it. Haechan had been uncharacteristically quiet since they left the closet. Renjun wanted to ask if they were okay but they were more of a cuddle-their-feelings-out type then the talking type. 

Jeno on the other hand, was having a much better night. She was sandwiched between Yangyang and Jaemin, which wasn’t usually ideal since the couple were _heavy_ with their PDA. Only it was Jeno, and nobody could resist her so Yangyang had his entire body thrown over her torso while she rested her head in Jaemin’s lap. The younger boy played with her fingers while she drunkenly rambled about Jisung. 

“I can’t believe he just dumped me like that,” Jeno slurred, “No explanation or anything, he just turned up outside my lecture hall and said _I think we should break up,_ ”

Haechan picked their head up, “Wait, he didn’t even give you an explanation? What a dick I’m kicking him out of TSG,”

“Haechan you can’t kick Jisung out of a _trans support group,_ it literally takes away the whole purpose of it,” Renjun said. 

Haechan shrugged, “I run the group so I can do whatever I want,” 

“It’s not like we do anything supportive anyway,” Jaemin added, “It’s just an excuse to use the schools money for boba,”

Jeno sighed, “Go ahead and kick him out, he doesn’t deserve free boba,” she turned over and checked her phone, for what was probably the millionth time that night, “He hasn’t even called me, _prick_ ,”

Renjun shot her a sympathetic look, he pulled away from Haechan to reach over and grab the phone out of Jeno’s hands. 

“Stop checking your phone, it’s unhealthy,” 

She shot up, throwing Yangyang off her as she went straight for the phone, “But what if he–”

“No.” Renjun said sternly, “You’re not giving him shit unless he offers an explanation, understood?” 

Jeno sighed and leaned back against Jaemin’s legs, “Fine,” 

Haechan stood up from the couch, “I should go to bed, I have class tomorrow,”

A chime of quiet _goodnights_ echoed through the room. Jeno continued her bitch session about Jisung while Jaemin and Yangyang occasionally chimed in with roasts of their own. Poor kid, he really was so sweet. 

He watched Haechan disappear into the hallway. He counted five seconds before standing up to follow.

“Hey Haechan, wait,” Renjun said, stopping them just before they opened the door to their room. 

Haechan turned back, giving him a questioning look. 

“Um, you just seemed off earlier,” he said, swallowing down his nerves, “Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry about it,” they mumbled, “It’s stupid,” 

Renjun took a step closer, “I bet it’s not, come on, you can tell me,”

Haechan let out a groan and looked up at the ceiling, like they were bracing themselves for whatever they were about to say, and then, “Why didn’t you kiss me?”

Renjun blinked. _Oh._

“I mean like,” Haechan continued hastily, “it kind of hurts that you took a disgusting shot and puked it back up just so you wouldn’t have to kiss me,” 

When Renjun didn’t say anything– his brain really chose to shut down at the worst times– Haechan lowered their gaze to the floorboards, “I told you it was stupid,”

They turned to leave.

Renjun’s body moved of its own accord, he rushed forward and grabbed Haechan’s arm before they could walk into their room.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he blurted, “I _really_ want to, just not like that–”

He cut himself off. If he kept talking, he’d reveal too much.

Haechan’s eyebrows rose, eyes clouded with a mixture of confusion and shock. 

“What do you mean not like that?”

Renjun let out a frustrated huff. Why was it so hard to form coherent words around them? He was an english major for fucks sake, he could debate his way out of anything, and yet when he looked at them his mind came up blank. 

He just wanted to grab them by the shoulders and yell _because I don’t want to kiss you for a game, I want to kiss you for real._

Instead of saying anything at all– because fuck talking– he leaned in all the way and kissed Haechan straight on the mouth. Like he should’ve done earlier in that closet. Haechan melted into the kiss immediately, there was no shock or hesitance as they pressed their hand against Renjun’s neck and kissed him with fervour. It was perfect, it was overwhelming, it was better than Renjun’s daydreams. 

Then Haechan pulled away, eyes wide and cheeks pink. There was something hesitant in their eyes, something scared, something...regretful?

Renjun let go. They were both breathing heavily.

“I have to go,” Haechan said quickly, the words crashing into each other. They pulled the door open and went in before Renjun could say another word. Slamming the door right into his face.

Renjun stood there, staring at the wooden door for a long moment. 

He fucked up.

When Renjun finished relaying the final events of the night to his friends, they all stared at him in collective silence.

“That doesn’t seem so bad,” Jeno said consolingly. 

“Are you kidding?” Renjun cried out a bit helplessly, “They slammed the door in my face, they hate me,” 

“Haechan could never hate you,” she insisted, “You just need to talk to them,”

“I think I’d rather die than do that,” Renjun muttered.

“I didn’t realise I was talking to Jaemin,” Jeno said sarcastically, “why are you being so dramatic?”

“Renjun only ever gets like this when it comes to Haechan,” Yangyang chimed in.

Rejun snapped their head up to glare at the boy, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The other boy raised a challenging eyebrow at him, “It _means_ you’re usually rational and normal until Haechan is involved and then you turn into some–” he waved his hand around vaguely, “–lovesick fool,”

Renjun was offended now, “That’s not true!”

He looked at Jeno, at least expecting her to defend him, but the girl only nodded solemnly in agreement. 

“It is _so,”_ Yangyang defended, and Renjun hated how everyone else in the room was hanging onto his every word. He must have fallen through a portal and been transported to an alternate universe where _Yangyang_ was the voice of reason, “Remember that time Haechan got a cold and you ditched your classes for a _week_ to take care of them? When I got sick you threw a face mask at me and told me not to breathe in your direction.”

Jaemin nodded vigorously, “Or that time they got food poisoning from that Italian place and you called up the restaurant and _threatened to sue,”_

Jeno clicked her fingers, “What about when–”

“Okay, I get it!” Renjun cried, desperate for them to stop airing out his dirty laundry, “What’s your point here?”

“Don’t be a fool,” Jeno replied bluntly, “I know you’re going to get in your own head about this but don’t overthink it, just talk to Haechan.”

Renjun sighed, “Fine, I’ll talk to Haechan,”

//

Renjun did not talk to Haechan.

It wasn’t his fault! Telling Renjun not to overthink was like telling a cat not to scream at the top of its lungs in the middle of the night. It was just not possible. 

Renjun went over the events of that night in his mind more times than he was proud of, and each time he drew the same conclusion. Haechan did not like him back. He would even go far enough to say that Haechan was disgusted by him. It explained why they were avoiding Renjun and acting so awkwardly whenever he was in the same room. 

Two days went by of prolonged awkward silences, tip-toeing around each other and receiving the sharp end of disappointed stare as Renjun failed time and time again to follow her advice. It was a shame, Jeno gave really good advice, if only people listened to her more often. 

Tensions were high in the apartment. Between Renjun and Haechan’s weird drama, Jeno’s post break up craziness– she switched between stress baking brownies and watching reruns of _Suspicious Partner_ while eating her weight in said brownies– and whatever weird shenanigans the demonic duo were up to that weekend. 

On Monday, Renjun got home from his classes to find that Haechan was the only one home. The door to their room was closed and loud music played from it. 

He gulped, this was a good time as any to clear the fog. He stood outside their door, knuckles hovering over the wood as he psyched himself up to knock. This was it, he was going to be a grown up and talk to his best friend about the kiss they shared. Jeno would be so proud.

Talking to Haechan about _feelings_ shouldn’t be this mortifying _._ The two have talked about much weirder things before. He recalled one particularly horrifying conversation where Haechan told him every gory detail about a sex dream they had about Loki– as in Loki from the comic books, they had a sex dream about a drawing– Renjun wishes he could forget. The point was they were comfortable with each other to the point where it was questionable. So this conversation should be a walk in the park. A piece of cake. Easy pea–

The door to Haechan’s room swung open and they yelped in surprise at the sight of Renjun, hand hovering awkwardly where he was about to knock on the door. 

Renjun coughed, “Um, hi,”

Haechan responded with a weary smile, “Hey,”

“Can we talk?”

They exhaled in what seemed like relief, moving away from the door to let him in, “Yeah sure, come in,” 

The uncomfortable silence that Renjun had grown agonisingly familiar with was back once more. Neither of them said anything. 

“Can we–”

“I’m sorr–”

They both started at the same time. 

“You first,” Haechan said, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry about um, kissing you like that,”

Haechan furrowed their eyebrows in confusion, they opened their mouth to say something but Renjun ploughed on, he really didn’t want to hear their rejection.

“I wasn’t thinking,” he blurted out, “It was a mistake,” 

“A mistake?” Haechan asked, something close to hurt flashing over their eyes. “You regret it?”

Renjun thought he was imagining it because there was no way. _There was no way._

He bit out the lie before he could second guess himself, “Yeah I do.”

Haechan blinked at him, they didn’t say anything so Renjun continued,

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship, you know? It’s super important to me,” he swallowed thickly, “So let’s just pretend the kiss didn’t happen and go back to being friends,”

“ _Ruin our–”_ Haechan cut themself off, it pained Renjun that their expression was so unreadable. Was their friendship already ruined? “This is what you want?”

 _No. no. no._ “Yes,”

Haechan scoffed bitterly, like they found the situation darkly hilarious, “Okay fine, it’s forgotten,”

“Okay,” Renjun replied but the heaviness in his chest didn’t reside. He pulled at the sleeves of his shirt anxiously, “Are we… good?”

“Yeah,” they said airily, waving Renjun away with their hand, “We’re good. I have work to do so…”

“Oh right. Yeah of course,” 

As he left the room, the heaviness didn’t fade and he felt strangely like they weren’t good. 

//

The thing about Renjun and Haechan was that they weren’t best friends. Anyone who knew them would call them that, but in Renjun’s opinion, best friends wasn’t nearly close enough to explain how deep their bond was. They were always something more. They understood each other on a level that transcended friendship and tiptoed on the line of something dangerous, something that Renjun was afraid to name. 

They never talked about it, their unspoken connection. But Renjun knew that they both felt it. He knew from their silent conversations, a tired smile or a slight nod during finals week to ensure each other that they were doing okay. He knew it after a night of drinking, when Haechan, ever the affectionate drunk, would play with Renjun’s fingers and mumble, _“you know I don’t mean it when I make fun of you right? I didn’t mean that earlier, I was just joking around,”,_ with unfocused eyes and a pout playing on their lips and Renjun couldn’t help but smile because _of course_ he knew. Haechan didn’t have a single malicious bone in their body. 

There was one particular moment where Renjun really _knew._ The night was late, late enough that Renjun could hear the birds chirping. He stepped outside his room to find the light still streaming out through the cracks in Haechan’s door. They had their final midterm the next morning, whereas Renjun had finished his exams earlier that week and was only up because he had been watching Buzzfeed Unsolved. 

Renjun padded over to the kitchen, deciding to cut up some fruit for Haechan, they usually liked snacking when they studied, and knowing them, they probably hadn’t eaten yet. 

He knocked on Haechan’s room and opened it before they responded. They were crouching over their desk and blinked up blearily at Renjun when the door opened. The bright lamp light illuminated their dark circles and complicated looking behavioural psychology notes. 

“Hey,” Renjun said quietly, “I brought you some apple slices,” 

Haechan’s eyes widened as Renjun placed the plate on their desk. 

“You’re godsent,” they said. Their voice was raw with exhaustion but their gratitude still shone through.

Haechan maneuvered their desk chair around to face Renjun, trapping him between their legs and against the desk. Renjun watched them carefully, they never showed it when they were tired or feeling burned out, but he could always tell. 

“Go to bed after you eat,” Renjun said.

They furrowed their eyebrows in response, “I still have a few concepts left,”

“You’ll be no use to anyone if you’re dead on your feet, nap for a bit and then study again,”

Haechan groaned, “Fine,”

They wrapped an arm around Renjun’s waist and gently pulled him onto their lap. Renjun let himself be pulled, he let Haechan wrap their arms around him and hook their chin over his shoulder. They sighed in content, making Renjun’s lips curl up into a smile. Haechan always found comfort in touch and despite hating skinship, Renjun was more than happy to oblige.

The minutes tick on and the sounds of the city waking up can be heard, cars drive past and crickets chirp. Renjun leaned back against Haechan’s chest and let himself be held. 

“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this,” Haechan began into the quiet, “but I really appreciate you and everything you do for me,”

Renjun turned to face them but they were looking straight ahead, cheeks dusting a light pink. 

“I already know this, you don’t have to say it,” Renjun replied.

Haechan met his eyes, “but I know that you like hearing it,”

Renjun sighed and leaned his head to the side, against theirs, “I appreciate you too, you’re my best friend,”

It felt so foriegn on his tongue, but why _?_

“I don’t think best friends is the word,” Haechan mused, as if reading his mind, which they usually tended to do, “You’re my soulmate,”

Renjun’s heart leaped into his throat. He swallowed it back down.

“Soulmates,” he tried, and it was perfect. A warmth came over him, his heartbeat picking up dangerously, “Yeah, we’re soulmates.”

It was a memory Renjun liked to recall during all too familiar moments of loneliness. But right now, he was recalling it for completely different reasons. He was recalling it during the middle of the night because he _missed_ his soulmate. He grabbed the pillow from next to him and shoved his face into it. _Soulmates._ If they were soulmates then why were things still so weird? Haechan said they were good but it certainly didn’t feel like it. They weren’t actively trying to avoid him anymore but their interactions seemed… muted. Like Haechan was holding back from something. They were making less of an effort to hang out with him and Renjun couldn’t help but notice that Haechan made themselves scarce whenever he was home. 

The worst bit was he couldn’t read them the same way he used to. Renjun was so used to knowing exactly what Haechan was feeling from the clench of their jaw or the pull of their eyebrows, and now, it was like they were speaking a language he didn’t understand. He pushed his face further into the pillow until it was hard to breathe, begging sleep to welcome him. He was tired of spending nights over analyzing all his interactions with Haechan, he just wanted things to be _normal_ again. 

//

Renjun was leaving his last lecture for the day when he got a facetime call from Jaemin.

“Don’t come home,” the boy said, his forehead and eyes taking up Renjun’s entire phone screen.

Renjun stopped walking just to stare at him, “What?”

There was a shuffle behind the phone and then Yangyang pushed his head into camera, “He said don’t come home,”

The two had their heads pressed together like a pair of siamese twins. It was comical how Jaemin managed to find someone who matched his unbridled personality in the perfect way. 

“Why can’t I come home?” he asked. 

“Well, you see,” Jaemin began, “We kind of have a situa–”

“Jaemin set your bed on fire,”

“Yangyang!”

 _“What?”_ Renjun all but screeched out.

“It was an _accident,_ ” Jaemin defended, like that would make it any better, “We were cleaning out the apartment with sage and I tripped while I was in your room and dropped the burning sage onto your bed,”

Renjun was genuinely speechless for a few seconds, there was so much to unpack there.

“ _Why the fuck were you burning sa_ – okay you know what nevermind, please tell me you put the fire out and you’re not calling me from our flaming apartment,”

Jaemin smiled sheepishly, he could hear Yangyang giggling.

“We put the fire out but it triggered the fire alarm and the whole building had to evacuate,” Jaemin explained, “The firemen just left,”

Renjun massaged the bridge of his nose with his fingers, he closed his eyes and counted to ten, “Oh my fucking god,”

“I’m really sorry,” Jaemin said, voice breaking with guilt and sad eyes trailing downwards. _And holy hell,_ Renjun was so far gone for his roommates that he couldn’t even be mad at them. “Yangyang will buy you a new bed,”

“Why me?” Yangyang whined, “You’re the idiot who dropped the sage,”

Jaemin turned to frown at his boyfriend, “You’re rich, _and_ you’re the one who convinced me that there were ghosts in the house,”

“Because there are! Hopefully the fire scared them away,”

“Okay okay,” Renjun interrupted, “It’s fine, I’ll just sleep in Jeno’s room until you _both_ buy me a new bed,”

Jaemin pouted, “Please don’t be mad at me, I’ll do your laundry for a month”

Renjun softened, “I promise I’m not mad, shit happens right? I might take you up on the laundry offer though,”

Jaemin was the only one who voluntarily did the chores, claiming that cleaning satisfied his perfectionist side. Renjun, on the other hand, was hopeless at laundry and was willing to take any help he could get. 

Jaemin smiled brightly, “Okay cool, we have to go now Jeno just got home,”

 _“Why is there smoke coming out of Renjun’s room?”_ was the last thing Renjun heard before the call cut off. 

Renjun sighed, there was never a dull day in apartment 4D.

//

That night, Renjun knocked on the door of Jeno’s room, hugging the one pillow that Jaemin managed to salvage in the fire to his chest. The girl opened the door, wearing matching checkered pajamas and an unimpressed look.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her hair falling over her eyes. Her bangs had grown out, and thank god for that, Renjun didn’t think they could ever forget the time when Jeno decided to cut her own bangs at three in the morning– their ears will never recover from the blood curdling scream she let out when she realised her mistake. 

“Dumb and dumber set my bed on fire, remember?” Renjun replied, making a move to enter the room.

Jeno side-stepped him, blocking his way. 

“Not so fast,” she said, “You can’t stay in my room,”

Renjun frowned, “And why the hell not?”

“I’m a girl! I need my privacy!” she insisted.

“Jeno we’ve been having sleepovers together since sixth grade,” 

“That doesn’t mean you get to sleepover whenever you want, I just had my heart broken, _remember?_ I need some Jeno time. Just me, my Twice playlist and my Himalayan charcoal face mask! Who are you to deny me of–”

“Okay fine,” Renjun said, just to get her to stop talking, “You’re so annoying, you can’t pull the break up card forever,”

Jeno grinned cheekily, “I can and I will,”

Her eyes moved from Renjun to behind him, where he knew the door to Haechan’s room was. 

“Oh, that’s right!” she snapped her fingers as if recalling something, “We have a third roommate! I’m sure Haechan will be more than happy to accommodate you,” 

Renjun gasped as the real reason behind Jeno’s weird behaviour revealed itself. He glared at her while she giggled, somewhat entertained by her own schemes.

“You are evil, Jeno Lee,”

She waved him goodbye with her fingers and slammed the door in his face before Renjun could say anything else. 

He groaned in frustration

“I hate you!” he yelled at the closed door.

“Love you too, babe!” came Jeno’s muffled voice.

Renjun took a deep breath, clutching tightly at his pillow while trying to calm his nerves. He could do this, he’s had sleepovers with Haechan countless times. It was no big deal.

He knocked on Haechan’s door, when they opened it, he suddenly felt small.

“Hey,” he said, wincing at how weak his voice came out, “Um, my bed–”

“Yeah, I was in the apartment when it happened,” Haechan said sighing, “I had to evacuate with Jeno’s cat and she hates me so it was a whole thing– anyways you can stay here tonight,”

The corners of Renjun’s mouth turned up at their rambling, “Thanks, I asked Jeno first but she said she _needed her privacy,”_

Haechan scoffed, “Privacy is a luxury in this apartment,”

“Right?” Renjun replied giggling.

Okay, this wasn’t so bad. 

He walked into the room and dropped his pillow on the right side of the bed. Haechan packed up the books at their desk.

“Were you studying?” Renjun asked conversationally, he sat down at the edge of the bed. 

Haechan shook their head, “No, I was just reading about this psych test they did in Michigan on business majors,”

“Leisure reading then?” Renjun teased, “You’re such a nerd,”

Haechan frowned and sat down on the other side of the bed, Renjun stiffened as he felt the dip. 

“Shut up, like you don’t do the same with your pretentious dead authors”

“They aren’t pretentious!” Renjun defended, Haechan only smiled in return, as if to say, _you just proved my point._

Haechan pulled the covers up and went under, snuggling into their big pillows. Renjun hesitated before joining them. Something uncertain hungs in the air. 

He sighed, maybe he was just overthinking again. He pulled the covers up to his chin and turned his face away from Haechan. There was still a large gap between the two so there was no need for this to be weird. 

Eventually, he heard Haechan’s breathing even out and it eased him a tiny bit. He felt way too stiff in the bed, even though it wasn’t uncommon for him to fall asleep there after a movie night or study session. 

He shifted uncomfortably under the blankets.

It’s quiet, and then:

“Are you awake?” Haechan asked, it echoed within the room. Renjun froze.

He didn’t say anything.

There was more shifting as they moved closer to him. Renjun held his breath. 

“Renjun, I know you’re awake,” Haechan said.

Renjun exhaled loudly, the sheets moved again as he turned to face Haechan. 

“Hi,” he forced out. 

He wasn’t close enough to read the expression off Haechan’s face. The city lights flickered in through the opened curtains and painted the room in muted colours, outlining the shape of their body in red and blue. 

Haechan inched closer.

“I’m going to say something that might make things weird again,”

Renjun forced out a laugh, “I don’t think things ever stopped being weird,”

Haechan hummed in lieu of an answer, they moved closer until they were barely inches away from Renjun. He could make out their features now, softened by the darkness. Something afraid and reluctant lingered in their eyes. 

They brought a trembling hand up to cup the side of Renjun’s face, cold hands against warm skin. He leaned into the touch despite it, if he exhaled would mist escape his lips? 

Haechan still didn’t say anything. His heartbeat picked up the longer they stayed that way, he could feel it leave bruises against his bones.

Then they finally spoke,

“I want you to ruin it,” 

Renjun blinked, once, twice.

“What?” he replied, breathless already.

“Our friendship,” they say in a whisper, but Renjun hears it burn through his ear drums, “Ruin it,”

“Haechan what are you–”

They leaned in, capturing Renjun’s lips with their own. It’s gentle, hesitant and much too short. Stealing the breath right from Renjun’s lungs like it was theirs to keep. Haechan pulled away, a layer of worry coated their eyes.

“Was that okay?” they asked. 

_Was that okay?_ He wanted to scream but he couldn’t find his voice. _Of course it was okay._ He wanted to say. _I spent years locking my feelings away and hiding the key in the space between my ribs so I would never look at them again. Years of secret glances and nights of you bringing other people home and pretending it didn’t hurt every time you wrapped your arms around me._

He didn’t say any of that. He didn’t need to, when Haechan was staring at him like they heard every word. Because they were Renjun and Haechan and they always understood each other. 

He surged forward and kissed them, unlocking his ribs and releasing years worth of _want_ into it.

Haechan groaned, grabbing his face with both their hands and pulling Renjun in closer. He balanced himself on his elbow as he hovered over them, shaking slightly. He still wasn’t entirely convinced that this was real. 

When they pulled away, they were both breathing heavily. 

“Fuck,” Haechan sighed out, lips red and swollen.

Renjun’s cheeks felt hot, he looked past Haechan and at the pillow beside them. 

“Hey,” Haechan said softly, “Renjun, look at me,” 

They stroked Renjun’s reddening cheeks with their thumb, his eyes flickered back to Haechan who was looking at him with warm eyes.

“It’s pretty obvious by now, but I know you’d rather hear it out loud,” they said, “I like you Renjun, I have for the longest time,”

“I like you too,” Renjun whispered out, a breath of relief. 

Haechan smiled, lighting up their entire face brighter than the city lights, “I wasn’t sure before but, after that kiss, _damn_ ,” 

They imitated explosion noises with their mouth, Renjun rolled his eyes.

“You’re so lame,” he said.

“And yet you still kissed me,” they replied, eyes sparkling, “Twice,” 

He huffed out an embarrassed laugh, hiding his face in the crook of Haechan’s neck where he could feel them shaking with laughter.

“Who knew you got flustered this easily?” Haechan teased, a coo in their voice. 

“Shut up,” Renjun mumbled into the skin of their neck. He relaxed the elbow holding him up and let his body drop half onto Haechan, humming in content as they brought a hand up to run through his hair.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to fall asleep,” Renjun said quietly, eyes falling heavy.

“Then go to sleep,” they replied.

He shifted slightly so he could watch Haechan’s face, his lips were inches away from their jaw and it was taking everything in him not to trace kisses down the side of it.

“Don’t you want to talk about this?” Renjun asked, feeling nervous again.

“What’s there to talk about?” they replied, voice laced with sleep.

“I don’t know…” Renjun said trailing off, even though he _did_ know. There was still so much uncertainty, it didn’t sit well with him. He blamed it on anxiety and his general control freak-like nature. 

He pulled away slightly to look Haechan in the eye.

“Date me,” he said, feigning confidence like it was his job– he was always a nervous wreck under the surface when it came to Haechan. 

Haechan raised their eyebrows at him, like they were impressed. They looked smug; it made Renjun want to punch them, or like, make out with them. 

“Okay Junnie, I’ll date you,” they said, surprisingly gentle, “it’s only all I’ve wanted for the past five years,”

Renjun frowned, “You’re lying,”

“Why would I lie about that?”

“There’s no way that’s true because it’s all _I’ve_ wanted for the past five years... which means that we…”

There was a pause. The realisation dawning on them at the same time. And then they both explode into laughter.

“Holy shit we’re actually so dumb,” Haechan said in between giggles.

“Yeah,” Renjun replied, wrapping his arms around them and letting himself get comfortable, “It’s okay we have all the time in the world for make up for it,”

“Corny ass,” Haechan replied fondly, they pressed a kiss to the top of Renjun’s hair, “Goodnight Junnie,”

“Goodnight, love.”

//

Renjun awoke to heavy traffic outside and the sensation of kisses being peppered across his neck. He blinked against the sunshine, blindly swatting Haechan away.

“Go away,” he grumbled out, burying himself further into the covers. 

“Good morning to you too, _boyfriend,_ ” they replied, drawing out the last word sarcastically.

Renjun was fully awake now. Their words felt stronger than an espresso shot. _Boyfriend._

He glared at Haechan.

“Are you going to be like this every morning?” 

“Every morning?” they replied with a mocking gasp, “we just started dating and you’re already thinking about moving in together? You move like a lesbian,”

“Oh shut up,” Renjun said, grabbing the nearest pillow and hitting them with it, “We’re literally roommates, _and_ my bed is burnt to a crisp in case you forgot,” 

Haechan snorted, taking the pillow from his hands and tossing it aside. They moved in closer to Renjun’s space, throwing a leg over his waist from under the covers.

“I’m just kidding around,” they said, pressing a kiss to his jaw. 

Renjun closed his eyes and sighed in content, “I know, babe,” 

“Babe?” Haechan mused, voice muffled as they continued tracing kisses along his jaw, “I like that,”

“Noted,”

He turned his head to kiss them properly, when a loud crash came from the kitchen making them both pull apart and look at each other with matching curiosity.

There was another crash, and then the sound of Jeno yelling, which was never good for any of them.

_“Yangyang give me back my fucking phone!”_

_“Or what?”_

Another crash. 

_“I have a lifetime of dirt on you don’t even try me,”_

There was a loud screech. It sounded like Jaemin, or Jeno’s cat. It could be either. 

Renjun groaned and leaned back against the pillows.

“One morning, we can’t have one morning,”

Haechan giggled, they pulled away from Renjun completely– if he pouted at that, no he didn’t– and moved to get up from the bed.

“Come on,” they said, standing up and smoothing out the covers from their side of the bed, “Let’s get out there before they all kill each other,”

“If we let them kill each other then we can make out in peace,” Renjun muttered, but he got up anyway. 

“Aw, you don’t mean that baby,” Haechan said, as Renjun followed them out of the room and into the hallway, “What would we do without our roommates,” 

Before they entered the living room, Renjun made the split second decision to grab Haechan’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. Haechan turned back to smile at him. Renjun swore if he closed his eyes, he could memorise the exact details of their smile.

They walked into the living room together to find Yangyang standing on top of the kitchen counter, holding Jeno’s phone up and out of her reach. The owner of the phone in question, was halfway through climbing the counter herself. As soon as she made a grab for Yangyang, he threw the phone towards Jaemin, who was standing by the couch and caught it with impressive reflexes. 

Jaemin noticed the pair first, eyes widening in relief, “Oh thank god you’re here,” he said, looking at Renjun with a mildly terrified expression, “Jeno keeps knocking over my house plants!”

“I only did it because they stole my phone!” Jeno whined from where she was having an impromptu slap fight with Yangyang. 

“You guys are missing the most important detail!” Yangyang yelled at the top of his lungs, he jumped off the counter, to get away from the girl “Jisung texted Jeno!”

Jeno gave a cry of frustration and turned to face Renjun, probably to whine again. Her eyes travelled down to their connected hands and she narrowed them.

“Wait a minute, are you two dating?” 

_Yeah,_ Renjun thought, _what would we do without our roommates?_


	2. YOUR SUN RISES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She moved away to give him space to walk in. He handed her one of the cups of boba.  
>   
> “It’s your favourite,” he said.  
>   
> “You know boba won’t make up for breaking up with me,” she replied dryly, but took a sip anyway  
>   
> Jisung’s expression turned guilty.
> 
> _Jeno tries to deal with the breakup, Jisung tries to make things right._

Jeno has made a lot of terrible decisions in her life. She’s cut her own bangs, she made a profile on a sugar daddy app because she desperately wanted a new PC (she deleted it immediately after because she hated old men more than she loved money) and after losing a bet with Jaemin she got a stick and poke tattoo of his name, the words _Nana_ on her ankle accompanied with a heart and a badly drawn rabbit emoji will forever be etched upon her skin. 

_But this one_ , Jeno thought as she stared at her reflection in horror, _this one takes the cake._

“It’s not that bad!” Yeeun tried, grabbing a handful of Jeno’s hair and observing it.

“Are you kidding?” Ryujin chimed in from where she was sitting on the bathroom sink, “It’s not even blonde, it’s straight up orange.”

Jeno was only half paying attention to them, still in a state of shock at the sight of her hair. What once was _beautiful_ dark locks that cascaded past her shoulders was now a patchy mess of orange and blonde. She brought a hand up to feel her hair and choked back a sob, _straw,_ it felt like straw. 

“Fuck,” she said intelligently, “Fuck fuck fuck,” 

She could see Yeeun throw Ryujin a panicked look in the mirror. Ryujin hopped down from the sink and grabbed Jeno’s shoulders,

“It’s no big deal, Jen,” she said, “Heejin is on her way over with more bleach and once we deep condition and put some product in it’ll be fine,”

“I’ve watched enough Brad Mondo videos to know what not to do,” Yeeun added, “Trust me darling, I’ve got this,”

Jeno was entirely unconvinced, but she also didn’t have the funds to get her hair fixed professionally –maybe if she was still on that sugar daddy app– so she had no other choice than to put her trust in the older girl.

The bathroom door was thrown open and Heejin walked in, “Hey whores, I come bearing blea– oh Jeno,”

Jeno whipped around to glare at her, “Don’t _oh Jeno_ me, this is your fault.”

Heejin dropped her jaw in offense, “How is this my fault?”

“You’re the one who bleached my hair,”

“I only bleached your hair because you _asked me to_!”

“You should know by now not to indulge my impulses!” Jeno whined back.

“Ladies, ladies!” Yeeun called out, ever the mediator, “I told you, it will be fine, Heejin hand me the bleach,”

Heejin huffed, probably annoyed that Jeno got the last word in and handed the bag over to Yeeun. She went to sit next to Ryujin who returned to her spot perched on the sink. 

Jeno sighed as Yeeun got started on applying a second coat of dye to her hair. She had to tiptoe to reach Jeno’s roots, it was kind of adorable. 

“What even prompted the need to dye your hair?” Ryujin asked. 

The evening started off with just Heejin and Jeno, sitting on the bathroom tiles and trying to figure out how hair dyeing worked. But after a mini freak out and the realisation that neither of them knew what they were doing, they called the other two. Yeeun was there because she was responsible, Ryujin was there because she offered emotional support when she wasn’t being sarcastic. 

“It’s Jeno,” Heejin added, clearly still bitter about Jeno’s blame game, “Does she need a reason?”

It was fair enough for her to say, Jeno didn’t exactly hold a track record for making sound decisions. She was good for giving advice, not taking it. 

“I needed a change,” she replied shrugging.

Ryujin raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure that’s it and not because you got dumped less than two weeks ago?”

“Are you suggesting that I’m changing my hair for a _man?”_ Jeno said, gasping theatrically, “How unfeminist of you,”

“Jisung is a _boy,_ he’s barely a man,” Yeeun added dryly. 

“Not all of us are hags, Yeeun,” Jeno bit back,

Yeeun tugged on her hair, but not hard enough for it to hurt, “Watch it brat, the fate of your hair is in my hands right now,”

“Oh great hair goddess,” Jeno said airily, bringing her hand up to her forehead like a damsel in distress, “Please forgive my sins and fix my hair,”

She smiled to herself as the other girls giggled. 

“Don’t change the subject,” Ryujin said after calming down from her giggle fit, “have you heard from Jisung yet?”

Jeno sighed, she glanced guilty at her phone which sat abandoned next to Heejin’s thigh. The boy had sent her countless texts over the past few days that she was too afraid to read. He called her once too, it was earlier in the day when Jeno was at the grocery store, hence her impulse bleach buy. 

“Nope,” Jeno said, voice coming out a little too high pitched.

Ryujin’s eyes flickered up to meet hers, squinting in suspicion

“You’re lying,”

“No I’m not,”

“Yes you are,”

“No I’m not,”

“Then you wouldn’t mind if I checked your phone,” she said, reaching over Heejin to grab it.

Jeno made a noise of frustration, “Fine! He texted me,”

Ryujin quirked an unconvinced eyebrow up at her.

“And called me,” she mumbled out. 

“Ha!” Ryujin said, clapping her hands together victoriously, “I already knew this but it’s nice to have you confirm it,”

Jeno furrowed her eyebrows, “How?”

“Jisung texted me and asked if I heard from you, did you forget we’re friends too?”

“No,” Jeno replied bitterly, “I just choose to ignore the fact that you’re friends with the enemy,”

“Oh, you are so dramatic,” Ryujin said, rolling her eyes, “Why aren’t you answering him?”

Jeno pouted childishly, “Don’t wanna,”

Heejin sighed, “Jeno,” she said softly, like he was trying to talk a terrified cat out from its hiding spot, “You’re allowed to be upset at him, obviously, but don’t you think you deserve answers? Talking to him might help.”

Jeno narrowed her eyes at the girl.

“You talked to him too, didn’t you?” 

Heejin flushed, caught red handed. She immediately became defensive, “We’re all part of the same friend group! This isn’t high school we’re not going to pick between you too,”

Jeno sighed, she wasn’t wrong, but it was still annoying. 

Yeeun finished up fixing her hair in silence. Jeno helped her clean up the mess while the other girls scrolled through their phones. She replayed Heejin’s words in her mind the entire time. She hated it when her best friend was right. 

“I miss him so much,” Jeno finally said, breaking the quiet, “but I’m _scared,_ what if I answer his call and he tells me something I don’t want to hear, like the fucking reason he broke up with me? I’d rather live in oblivion,”

None of the girls respond for a minute, taking in her rambling. 

“Jeno,” Yeeun started sympathetically, “You can’t live in denial forever, talking to him might give both of you some piece of mind,”

Jeno trusted Yeeun to have an unbiased opinion. She was the only one in their group that wasn’t friends with Jisung. The older girl was her senior in college and used to tutor Jeno, who latched onto her ever since and never let go. 

She huffed, picking at the fray edges of a bleach stained towel, “I’ll talk to him but just not right now okay? I need more time,”

“Of course, babe,” Yeeun said, gently, “Take all the time you need,”

Heejin gave her an encouraging smile. Ryujin patted her arm.

She smiled at them, beyond grateful. “I love you girls,”

“We love you too,”

//

Yeeun must really be a hair goddess, because after a second coat of bleach, intense deep conditioning and product that Jeno didn’t know the name of, her hair turned out pretty great.

That evening when her roommates came home, the reactions varied from disbelief, laughter and Renjun mumbling out a _“Jesus christ we can’t leave you alone for one fucking day,”._

Overall, she was pleased with the outcome. 

The residents of the loft– and Yangyang– were gathered around the television for a movie night. Jeno rested her head in Yangyang’s lap, the boy was running his hands through her hair, it went through easily, no tangles, just smooth, freshly conditioned, blonde hair. Jeno smiled to herself. 

Between the soft sounds of the obscure Bollywood movie that was playing– it was Haechan’s turn to pick and they were particularly fond of Bollywood– and the hair massage, Jeno was finding it hard to keep her eyes open long enough to read the subtitles. 

She was halfway lulled to sleep when her phone buzzed, immediately waking her up, her fight or flight instincts kicking in from the sound. She shot up, scrambling for her phone and startling Yangyang in the process. 

She blinked blearily at the bright screen, another text from Jisung. 

_Can we talk?_

Jeno wanted to– she really wanted to– but there was a seed of doubt planted within her. So many questions, barrels of uncertainty. Would this talk with Jisung end up with them back together? Or would he stomp on the remnants of her shattered heart? 

She physically cringed at her own dramatic monologue. She swiped the notification away and her phone must really hate her because it only revealed her full lockscreen. A picture of her and Jisung from their first date. She was pressing a kiss to his cheek, while Jisung looked at the camera with a bright smile– mid laugh. His hair was all messy because Jeno ruffled it earlier, teasing him for the blush speckled across his cheeks. She never changed the photo after the breakup, she didn’t have the heart too.

Their first date will always be a special memory for Jeno, broken up or not, whenever she thought back to it, it filled her with nothing but happiness.

During Jisung’s freshman year of college he joined a million extra curriculars, including the dance team which Jeno was proudly the captain of. Jeno, being the gracious and caring leader that she was–also because she found Jisung cute but no one needed to know that– decided to take the new boy under her wing, and they were quick to become friends. 

Their first date was during a dance trip to New York for a competition. The day before the competition, Jisung was a bundle of nerves. He paced Jeno’s hotel room and voiced every little anxiety he had about it. She offered to take him to see the city to get his mind off things.

It didn’t start off as a date, it started off as a distraction.

They took the subway to Times Square in true tourist fashion. Jeno took a photo of Jisung with Spiderman which he paid way too much money for and they got cheap kebabs from a food truck for dinner. She could see Jisung’s stress fading away as the night went on, he was getting more excited, reveling in the fact that they were in _New York City baby,_ and also getting progressively more clingy, which wasn’t good for Jeno’s poor heart.

Their last stop was Central Park, Jisung held her hand as they walked down the stony path. The sun set in a vibrant orange all around them, lighting Jisung up in a shade of gold so brilliant that Jeno found herself staring. 

“Do I have something on my face?” Jisung asked her, noticing her sudden attention on him.

On a decision driven by pure impulse and a sagittarius moon, Jeno leaned in and pecked his lips. Something short and sweet. Jisung widened his eyes. A glorious red blooming across his cheeks. 

“What was that for?” 

Jeno shrugged, “You looked cute,”

“Oh okay,” he said, and they kept walking like nothing happened.

It wasn’t until they sat down at a bench, the sun completely gone now and leaving a dark blue in its wake, when Jisung asked,

“Was this a date?”

“Do you want it to be a date?” 

He was fiddling nervously with a thread on his sleeve. Jeno reached over and grabbed his hands instead. 

“Yeah, I do,” Jisung replied. 

“Okay then, it’s a date” Jeno said grinning widely, “I’ve had a stupid crush on you for the longest time,”

The boy brightened up, “Really? So have I,”

“I couldn’t tell,” she said honestly, “You usually act like you find me annoying,”

Jisung’s lips turned up in a shy smile, “I don’t really know how to talk to people, especially pretty girls,” 

It was Jeno’s turn to blush, she patted her cheeks as they warmed up. Completely not used to being the flustered one.

“It’s okay,” she said, trying to pat down the fire kindling in her stomach, “I can do the talking for the both of us,”

Jisung chuckled, eyes moving from her own, down to her lips, watching carefully.

“Ask,” Jeno said quietly, “I know you want to,”

Jisung gulped, “Can I kiss you?”

With a slight nod of encouragement, Jisung leaned in all the way. She had her hand on his nape and the boy was smiling too much for it to be a proper kiss, but it was everything. 

On the subway ride back to the hotel, Jisung fell asleep on Jeno. His legs kicked up on the empty seats as he leaned back against her chest, head pillowed against her shoulder. The position was uncomfortable, but Jeno refused to move. If she had to ride the subway forever to prevent Jisung’s rest from being interrupted, then so be it. 

She smiled gently as she watched him sleep. Jeno hated accidents, but going from friends to _this,_ maybe she could like them. 

Jeno was still staring at the phone screen as the memory faded away. She truly despised her brain for taking one offhanded thought and creating an entire day dream sequence. 

She groaned loudly, capturing the attention of everyone else in the room, the hand in her hair halted. 

“I um,” she said, embarrassment crawling up her skin at the sudden attention on her, “I need some water,”

She stood up on shaky legs and left for the kitchen. 

The kitchen and the living area were an open space. The lights were turned off, save for a few lamps and the glow from the TV. Jeno sat up on the counter, nursing a glass of water and welcoming the dulled down lighting. It was easier to think when everything else was painted as obscure blobs. 

Yangyang trailed into the kitchen. He sat up on the counter next to her. 

“You okay?” He asked, stealing her glass to take a sip.

“Yeah, just thinking.” A half truth.

“Wanna talk about it?” he offered. 

“Honestly, I’m tired of talking about it,”

“That’s okay, we can talk about something else,” Yangyang said, “This woman came into work today and went _full Karen,_ if felt so surreal,”

Jeno’s eyebrows shot up, “No way,”

Yangyang nodded, “Yeah it was so weird, she wanted to return an eyeshadow palette that she had _obviously_ used like one of the shades were almost finished and…”

She welcomed Yangyang’s rambling, laughing along with him and chiming in with a few work horror stories of her own. 

“Hey Yang,” she said, clutching her stomach after they both calmed down from a laughing fit, “Thank you,”

He tilted his head to the side, “For what?”

“For distracting me and being there for me, I really appreciate you,”

Yangyang cooed, reaching over to ruffle her hair, “Don’t get cheesy on me Jenjen,”

She shoved him, chuckling lightly.

“You don’t have to thank me for being there for you,” he said, turning serious, “I just want you to be happy, we all do,” 

He nodded his head towards the rest of the group. Haechan was fully invested in the movie, wide eyes watching it while Renjun sat next to them, half asleep. Jaemin switched between watching the movie and sending worried glances towards the pair in the kitchen. Jeno sent him a reassuring thumbs up. 

“We should get back to the movie,” Yangyang said as he hopped off the counter, “Coming?”

“In a minute,” Jeno replied, “I have to do something first,”

She waited until he turned to leave and pulled out her phone. The sentimental side of her taking over as she opened up her messages to Jisung. 

_Ok let’s talk._

_Come over to the loft tomorrow_

She typed it out and hit send before she could second guess herself. Jisung wanted to talk? Then talk they shall. She had many things she wanted to get off her chest anyway. 

//

It was midday and Jeno was pacing the apartment. Jisung was supposed to be there in twenty minutes and she was promptly driving her roommates crazy.

“Jeno, you need to calm down,” Renjun said, “You’re making me dizzy,”

She stopped pacing and slumped onto the couch. 

“Why did I invite him over,” she moaned out, “If I was smart I would block him everywhere and join in on Jaemin and Yangyang’s relationship,”

“That’s offensive,” Haechan said from the other side of the couch, “Why not me and Renjun?”

She glowered at him, “You two are so boring like an elderly couple, at least the demons have some _fire_ to their relationship, pun intended _–_ also Yang is a good kisser,” 

The other two responded with matching groans and disgusted expressions.

“I really didn’t need to know that,” Renjun complained.

Jeno shrugged, unapologetic. 

The doorbell rang. Jeno shot up. She sent Renjun and Haechan panicked looks, 

“Scram,” she said, “You can’t be here,”

“You’re kicking us out of our own living room?” Haechan asked, just to be annoying.

“Yes I am, now get out before I tell Jaemin you spilt _Redbull_ on his cactus,”

Haechan narrowed their eyes, “You wouldn’t,”

She crossed her arms, “Try me, Lee,”

Renjun stood up, “Let’s just go babe,” he said, tiredly while trying to pull them from their spot.

Jeno waited until they both disappeared into Renjun’s room. 

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened the door.

Jisung stood there, smiling down at her and holding boba in his hands. Jisung had a bit of height on her and she usually loved it– she was the perfect height to receive forehead kisses from the boy– but today, it served as a disadvantage. 

“Hey,” he said, timidly, “you dyed your hair,”

Jeno widened her eyes, she had almost forgotten.

“Yeah I did,”

“It’s pretty,” he said, “Suits you.”

Jeno frowned, if she pretended her heart rate didn’t pick up from the simple words, maybe it would go away. 

She moved away to give him space to walk in. He handed her one of the cups of boba.

“It’s your favourite,” he said.

“You know boba won’t make up for breaking up with me,” she replied dryly, but took a sip anyway. 

Jisung’s expression turned guilty. He hovered awkwardly by the door and Jeno gestured for him to sit down. She sat next to him. 

“I’m sorry Jen,” Jisung started, “For everything, for breaking up with you, offering no explanation, I regret it so–”

“Then why did you do it?” Jeno interrupted.

He sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair, a nervous tick. “I just– I freaked out and I– well–” he gave a huff of frustration.

Jeno frowned sympathetically, Jisung was never good at speaking, always one to express himself through actions. She placed a hand on his arm, stroking it slightly. 

She watched as Jisung took a deep breath. 

“Things between us were getting really serious, and I realised a few– um– jarring things, which really terrified me,”

“Jisung, what did you realise?” Jeno asked, afraid of the answer.

“That I’m– _I’m in love with you_ and I was afraid you would realise you can do better and leave me. I was up all night thinking about it and my sleep deprived brain convinced myself to break up with you before you did it first,”

He blurted it all out at once. It had clearly been eating at him for weeks. All Jeno could do was stare in response. 

For once in her life, she was rendered completely speechless.

“Jen?” Jisung urged gently, poking her arm, “Please say something,”

“Let me get this straight,” Jeno said in disbelief, “You broke up with me because you realised that you love me?”

His freckle dusted skin flushed a deep red, “When you say it like that–”

“There’s no other way to say it!” Jeno interrupted, “Jisung Park you are unbelievably stupid.”

His eyes flickered downward in shame, he mumbled out another apology.

“Jisung, look at me,” she placed a hand on his cheek and uncertain eyes met hers, “I am completely in love with you dumbass, so much that I’m willing to forgive you for dumping me for the stupidest reason _ever_.”

“You– you love me?”

“Stupid boy,” Jeno said with both exasperation and affection. She pushed the hair out of his eyes, “How could I not?”

The fear behind his caramel irises cleared like the clouds after a rainy day. Realisation and embarrassment seeped through. 

“I love you too and I’m really really sorry,”

She pulled him in for a hug, the anger fading out quickly. His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her tight, she hooked her chin over his shoulder. It had been way too long since she had Jisung in her arms. 

“You’re forgiven,” Jeno said, “But I’m still bitter that you dumped me,”

He pulled away, “How can I make it up to you?”

She shrugged, “I’m halfway through playing _Persona 5_ and I’m stuck, help me?”

//

By the time Haechan and Renjun left their room, Jeno was sitting in between Jisung’s legs, leaning back against his chest while she played _Persona 5._ Jisung had talked her through one of the arcs and was now rambling on about why _Ren Amamiya_ was the perfect man.

“I see you two have made up then,” Renjun observed.

“Yup,” Jeno said without tearing her eyes away from the screen, “You guys can make yourself scarce now, Jisung and I are on a date,” 

“You call this a date?” Haechan asked, completely ignoring Jeno’s suggestion and making themselves comfortable on the couch. One glance at the TV screen and they were immediately judgemental, “God, these graphics are terrible,”

Jeno frowned at them, “It’s not about the graphics it’s about the storyline and the _found family,”_

Jisung pressed a kiss to the side of her head, “You get me Jen, you really do,”

He sounded much too fond for someone talking about video games, but Jeno smiled regardless and kissed him on the cheek.

“Your turn,” she said, handing him the controller. He looped his arms around her waist to use it, leaving Jeno secure in his hold. 

“Thanks angel,”

“I forgot how weird and clingy you two are,” Renjun said with partial disgust, “I already miss when you were broken up,”

Jeno glared at him, “I thought I told you guys to leave,”

“This is our apartment too, you can’t kick us out,” Renjun shot back.

“No but I can beat your ass, I would too if I wasn’t so comfortable right now,” 

Renjun stuck their tongue out at Jeno in response, because they were _so mature._

The front door opened to reveal Yangyang carrying a stack of boxes in his arms, Jaemin followed closely behind with more boxes. 

“Hey guys, I just got evicted,” Yangyang greeted cheerfully, dropping the boxes onto the ground. 

_“What?”_ the three of them cried out, scarily in unison; Jisung was still immersed in the game.

“I mean not technically,” Yangyang began, “My roommates assumed that I either fled the country or died because I’m never home so they rented my room out. I went there this afternoon to grab my spare headphones and they had my stuff packed in boxes to give to Goodwill, _can you believe that?_ ”

“I can believe that,” Haechan said, “Shit like this only happens to you,”

Yangyang shrugged, “This means I’m officially moving in!” 

He was met with collective groans and Jaemin applauding enthusiastically. 

“Oh hush, I know you guys love my company– oh Jisung’s here, are you guys back together?”

Jisung looked up at his name being called, like a startled deer. 

“Yeah we’re back together,” Jeno answered for him.

Jaemin walked over to where Jisung was sitting and grabbed his ear, twisting it so hard that Jeno could feel the poor boy’s pain.

“Ow ow ow!” Jisung yelped, dropping the controller to the floor. The _wooden_ floor. Jeno immediately dove after it, boyfriend be damned. 

“Never do that to Jeno again or I’ll do much worse,”

After checking the controller for dents, Jeno sat upright.

“What are you? The older brother in a shitty teen movie? I don’t need you to defend me,” she said, rolling her eyes, “Besides, Jisungie isn’t going to break my heart ever again, right?”

The younger boy smiled softly, “Of course not,” 

Yangyang made an over-exaggerated gagging sound. He flung himself onto the couch, much too close to the pair for it to be normal.

“I can’t believe I have to witness heterosexuality in my own sacred household,”

Jeno glared at him, “You don’t even live–” she stopped short, Yangyang smiled smugly, “Fuck, I can’t even say that anymore,”

Jeno wasn’t the dramatic type, but it was a jarring realisation. She needed a minute to process it. 

Jaemin crammed himself into the already packed couch, pushing Yangyang away and squeezing himself next to Jeno. 

“I’m happy it all worked out,” Jaemin said to her in a badly concealed whisper, “I was rooting for you two,”

Jeno smiled, recalling the other night when he drunkenly cussed out Jisung with her. Jaemin Na; loyal to the very end. She ruffled his hair, “Thanks Jaeminnie,” 

Renjun walked in carrying a plate of snacks and placed it on the table.

“Game night anyone?” he offered, “I’m in the mood to play monopoly,”

Jeno sighed and turned to Jisung, their game long abandoned, “Well, our date has officially been crashed,” 

“I don’t mind,” Jisung said, “I love monopoly and we have time to make up for lost dates,”

“Okay fine but do you want to sleepover? I missed you a lot, we can watch _Haikyuu_ until we both fall asleep,” 

“That sounds lovely,” Jisung replied, “But you don’t have to pretend to like Haikyuu for me, we can watch something you like,”

“Yay!” Jeno cheered, leaning in to peck him on the nose.

“Are you lovebirds in or not?” Renjun interrupted.

“We’re in,” Jeno said, without taking her eyes off Jisung. 

“Okay sweet,” Renjun said, “I call banker,”

“You can’t be the banker!” Haechan complained, “You always steal money, let Jeno be banker she never cheats,”

Jeno broke off her moment with Jisung to interfere. 

“I hate being the banker!”

“I can be banker,” Jisung offered, his quiet voice getting drowned out by Renjun roaring out,

“ _I don’t fucking cheat!”_

Eventually, after about half an hour of arguing because they can not do anything without arguing, they begin playing the game. Jeno was cuddled up between Jisung and Haechan, feeling content under the warm lighting, hot cocoa made by Renjun and light banter they exchanged as they played the game. Jeno was enjoying the peace while she could because it wouldn’t be long before one of them– usually Renjun or Jaemin– flipped the board over like the sore losers they were. 

Jeno knew she wouldn’t mind when that happened though, she wouldn’t replace her roommates for anything else in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in another life jeno would end up with yangyang and jaemin, it's important to me that everyone knows this. 
> 
> i hope everyone liked this!! especially ren tho<3
> 
> thank you for reading! let me know all your thoughts in the comments I am very interested to hear them. you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/smartlcve)
> 
> also remember to continue supporting the [ black lives matter movement](blacklivesmatters.carrd.co), sign petitions, educate yourself and remember to uplift black voices!


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